Tuesday 12 July 2011

#86 What Friends For

Some of the benefits of friendship are well-known; some, however, are concealed within the workings of the system of Divine justice in the world.

We all know that there is a deep need for companionship. Not for nothing is solitary confinement considered to be among the harshest of punishments. Hardened criminals have been known to break down under the duress of prolonged deprivation of social contact.

But if it were only a matter of staying the pain of loneliness, it would be unnecessary to remind people to make friends. Yet, we find Jewish ethical texts repeatedly exhorting us to make friends. "Acquire for yourself a friend," instructs the Mishna in Avot. "What is the path that a person should adhere to?---A good friend," answers another Mishna in Avot. In Ecclesiastes, the wise King Solomon tells us (4:9), "Two are better than one."

But since the human personality is such that we are all embued with a natural desire for friendship, why should it be necessary for us to be instructed to make friends. Isn't it a little like telling people not to forget to eat? For this we need the wisdom of the Torah?

The answer is manifold. On the simplest level, we are being taught that it is not enough to have friends, one must choose for himself the right kind of friend---"a good friend." Rabbi Ovadia of Bartenura in his commentary to Avot explains that a good friend is one who will offer constructive criticism. People tend to be blind to their own faults. It is necessary to have others who understand us and are concerned enough about our welfare to tell us when we are going wrong.

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